I remember the first time I met our Jules. In truth, I was not prepared for what I saw when I walked into that room for the first time. As I looked on his form lying on the bed, the mom in me crumpled into the chair by him and wanted to cry. I reached out a hand shakily not sure how or if I should touch this fragile boy. The tears were welling in my eyes and a tightness wrapped my throat. Then, he opened his eyes and looked at me and it all vanished. I felt calm and all the sadness, the tightness was just . . . gone. And a voice, or a knowledge, in my head, “It’s okay . . . I’m okay” And he smiled at me. I’m not sure how long I spent with him that first time. I’m not even sure what happened or what we did. Only that he bonded with me that day and became my friend. He showed me that he was happy; that his life was not how it appeared and I smiled.
Outside, the world turns and often becomes crazy, sending us spiraling in a thousand different directions that often cause us to lose our original path. Hate often seems to be the rule of the day, then the week, then more and our paths become even more obscured. We don’t have, find, make time for our friends. We don’t have, find, make time for ourselves. We fracture. We don’t know what it all means.
I have a sister of the heart who has lost far too many close to her recently. My heart cries for all the losses she has had. It seems there is no reason, that it is too much. She will bring life from her loss. She has told me that she is making a garden of remembrance. The seed each placed in her will be shared with the ground and sprout with the beauty of their shared love and memories. From the darkness, she will bring light and life.
It is so sad when we have to say goodbye to one we loved, one that touched our soul. But sometimes we must. Sometimes we must with more than one. There will always be a missing in our hearts for those that move on. I don’t even try to think that I have answers as to why. But, sometimes it reminds us that life is short. That life is precious. What and who is really important. Sometimes we forget these things.
My little friend has moved on. My heart is sad and the world a little less bright with his passing. But, I hold close the gift he shared with me the first time I met him. Life is a gift and full of joy. It needn’t be the life you expect or that others expect. He loved his life in his little universe. His smile, his laugh, could brighten your darkest hour. I shall miss hearing his laughter and seeing his smile. I shall miss his blowing kisses. But, I am also happy that he has begun a new journey. I smile that he chose his own moment and didn’t allow anyone else to choose it for him. I am sure he danced the Maypole just before he slipped past the veil and can hear him blowing raspberries at all who witnessed as he did his dance. He planted a star in my breast with his beauty and I am so grateful to be one of the lucky few to have been part of his circle.
And to you, dear Jules –
And as you make your final pass from this realm, my friend, I pray a few gifts for you for your journey. May you run across the beach and feel the sand between your toes and the waves lap the tops of your feet. May you find enough speed to feel the air whip your hair, fill your lungs and light your feet from the ground. May you hear music that fills your soul and spins your body in a dance of the spirit. And may you dive through a blazing sunset on your way out and and into the Beltane fires to rise with the wings of a Phoenix. Oh, and may your laughter be so joyous that it touches every soul on this earth. And may you find your every heart’s desire on the journey before you.
Goodbye my friend. And thank you. You were loved.